Sekali lagi

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Hujan hebat. Aku terkandas di stesen komuter. Lagi 2 stesen, aku akan sampai rumah. Tapi tren berhenti Dan sekarang ini aku kurang pasti tren seterusnya datang pukul berapa. Tak ada jadual, rosak agaknya.

Ada seorang perempuan duduk menggigil di sudut platform. Mula-mula aku ingat dia sejuk kebasahan. Tapi, lama aku amati, baru perasan... dia bukan sejuk, tapi menangis.

Teringat waktu aku menangis dalam tren beberapa tahun lepas. Sekarang rasa macam kelakar, tapi di waktu kejadian, aku tak terfikir pun orang tengok ke, ape ke.

Sabar ye adik. Pengganti dia akan datang. Mungkin awal, mungkin lambat. Mungkin penantian kamu macam saya...

It hurts, but trust me, this too shall pass.

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I am officially 30!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

I'm having a private party
Ain't no body here but me, my angels, and my guitar singin' baby look how far we've come here
I'm havin' a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I've become, yeah

I tried to call my mother, but
She didn't get where I was going
I called my boyfriend and he said
Call me back a little later baby
I hung up the phone, I felt so alone
Started to feel a little pity
That's when I realized that I
Gotta find the joy inside of me

I'm gonna take off all my clothes
Look at myself in the mirror
We're gonna have a conversation
We're gonna heal the disconnection
I don't remember when it started
But this is where it's gonna end
My body is beautiful and sacred
And I'm gonna celebrate it

All my life
I've been looking for
Somebody else
To make me whole
But I had to learn the hard way
True love began with me
This is not ego or vanity
I'm just celebrating me

Sometimes I'm alone but never lonely
That's what I've come to realize
I've learned to love the quiet moments
The Sunday mornings of life
Where I can reach deep down inside
Or out into the universe
I can laugh until I cry
Or I can cry away the hurt

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday

Wishing i could be as good a writer

Friday, May 18, 2012

The moon, all too fair, in your russet-red hair sets a sparkling crown
The moon, all too red with glory, is spread on your poor, tattered gown
The moon, all too white, caresses the light in your world-weary eyes
Princess of the street, do allow me to greet you, my broken heart cries

The steps of Montmartre, all uphill, are hardest on the poor
The sails of the mill, like wings, shelter all paramours

I feel, beggar-girl, your fetters, they curl as they seek out my wrists
I feel your young breasts, your thin little waist
I lose my regrets
I taste on your mouth the feverish breath of a half-starving waif
And with your caress I sense drunkenness erasing my life

The steps of Montmartre, all uphill, are hardest on the poor
The sails of the mill, like wings, shelter all paramours
And see how she skips, the moon how she drifts,
The princess in tow
Da da da da da da da da da da
My reveries grow

The steps of Montmartre, all uphill, are hardest on the poor
The sails of the mill, like wings, shelter all paramours

yummy tummy sebelum thirty

Sedikit berjimba dengan makanan sejak dua menjak ini. Mampos hehehe

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Thursday, May 17, 2012

Gua dapat merasakan suatu konspirasi sedang tenjadi.

Gua malas nak port. Kalau ikutkan gua tak mahu tahu pun. Tapi masalahnya nama gua dah tercampak dalam blender sohseh sohseh diorang ni dan rasanya kehadiran nama gua itu berbaur negatif.


Sekarang ini gua tutup mata dan telinga pada apa yang gua rasa mampu gua hindar. Gua harap ia takkan sampai ke tahap dimana gua harus bertindak.

Batu besar, kalau ditolak hari-hari berganjak jua. Jangan sampai gua terpaksa mempertahankan diri gua, cukup. Sebab time tu, gua rasa lu orang akan kelu dan malu.

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Di suatu tengahari Jumaat...

Friday, May 11, 2012

Ku terasa seperti ingin memasak sambal sotong, stir fry enoki mushroom dan su'un untuk makan tengahari. Sib baik tengah menganggur jadi boleh masak hahahahah!

*Sambil masak sambil dengar khutbah jumaat dari masjid depan condo ni*

I want everyhing

I want to hold you closer
Can I?

Hold you in my arms,
I wish our body melds, so I can feel your heart beat against mine
Separated by mere skin, flesh, ribs, mush
Not a breath away
Not a moment to soon
I know we beat as one

Let me enjoy this moment
May I?

I do not own you
and you move farther and farther away
It is impossible
I am trapped in a sphere of blinding admiration for you
while you,
in your own world of demons that rears their heads and feeds off your soul

everyday is a battle for you
and everyday as i count down the seconds
everyday is a battle for me, to be by your side
without you ever knowing it

you don't want what I have to give
so I'll stay in the shadows
and be your guiding light when you need a helping hand
or a shoulder to cry on

I will be whatever you want me to be
I must

But for now,
will you just rest your head on my shoulder,
and let me hold you closer, ever

Comfortable in my own skin

Be comfortable in your sexuality.
We might not meet halfway, I doubt it would ever happen,

I know I am embracing my sensuality.

I am beginning to believe in the inevitable.

"I don't know my future after this weekend, and I don't want to!"


Bjork said, that it takes courage to enjoy it, you know.

She's right.

I used to evade the questions, the feelings. Compartmentalized certain things so they dont mix up with my daily duties.

Now, almost crossing my 30th mark on earth, I finally realized that I have slowly let my restraints loose. Not too much, but it is a start.

I began to see things a little clearer. I now see patterns appearing on the fogged screen. I predict the patterns will soon open up to a bigger view... showing me what my eyes have been shielded from all this while.

I just hope I stay true to the course I'm supposed to chart through... like a blind given the gift of sight in an instant, I hope what I see will enrich and not disillusion me.

Tasting life on the passing wind


Monday, May 07, 2012

I'll drown my beliefs
To have you be in peace
I'll dress like your niece
And wash your swollen feet

Just don't leave
Don't leave

I'm not living
I'm just killing time
Your tiny hands
Your crazy kitten smile

Just don't leave
Don't leave

And true love waits
In haunted attics
And true love lives
On lollipops and crisps

Sedekat denganMu

Sunday, May 06, 2012

Semalaman meneleku nasib
Tuhan sentiasa ada denganku
Saat aku rebah, datang tangan-tangan membantuku bangkit semula
Saat aku berdiri teguh, aku ada yang tersayang disekelilingku untuk berkongsi kejayaan
Saat semuanya berlalu, aku mampu pandang ke belakang dan berkata

"Aku lalui semuanya, jatuh bangun adalah apa yang membentukku menjadi siapa aku kini.
Aku takkan jadi siapa aku hari ini jika bukan kerana dugaannya."

Alhamdulillah, Kau sayang diriku lebih dari aku menyayanginya.
Mana mungkin aku meminta lebih dari yang Kau berikan, sedangkan apa yang sudah kau limpahi ini pun, sekelumit pun tak terbalas olehku?

Aku terima pemberianmu dengan penuh rasa rendah diri dan syukur
Oleh itu aku pendam rasa dan impian... untuk sesuatu yang sudah lama kuinginkan
Yang kurasakan bakal melengkapi jiwa kosongku
Kerana aku malu untuk meminta lagi... siapalah aku

Suatu hari nanti akan ku panjatkan doa
Mohon dimakbulkan yang paling dihajati
Tapi buat masa ini aku tak mampu meminta lebih
Bukan kerana aku tak percayakan keEsaanMu
Ya Rabbi,
aku malu, aku segan, aku hina

Tapi seperti yang tertera dalam kitabmu
DiKau lebih dekat denganku dari urat merih ku sendiri
DiKau tahu isi kalbuku
Maka dengarlah impianku

Bad for me

He stood in front of me, his cigarette smoke swirling up, above his head, misting and vanishing into the black night.

His eyes followed my every movement. Even the slightest move. I begun to feel awkward.

He had something to say. I knew he did, eventhough we had been standing there, staring at each other for almost 5 minutes without saying a word.

"Why are you here?" I asked, shifting my legs about. I was getting more nervous as the seconds go.

"Why not?" he said, breathing in nicotine. " I want to be here."

He was making it difficult for me, on purpose. He could have just told me his intentions, but no, he had to drag the uncomfortable situation. To torture me, perhaps.

"Why do you ask me to come meet you here?" I implored.

He kept his silence. His eyes squinted for a while, then it went back to assessing me. I could feel him seeping through my pores. His gaze left a hot trail, from my eyes to my lips, to my body, and all the way down to my feet.

It was most awkward. Most uncomfortable.

Yet I wanted to be there. I knew I had to be there. I need be there, in his scrutiny and silent critics.

He dragged a deep breath of smoke, then in a flash grounded his cigarette on the road. Three fast long strides took him right in front of me, and to my surprise, he cupped my face with his hands and said

"I'm a bad man.

But, I like you. I know that if I were given the chance to be close to you, I would fall for you."

I was speechless.
There, he said it.
Dreaded it but at the same time I felt elated. Maybe it is happening...

"Elle," he said.. his voice barely audible.


He said no more
for god decided to intervene, and woke me up from my dream.

Video Petang Sabtu

Saturday, May 05, 2012

Sebab petang Sabtu ini seperti memerlukan kmeceriaan yang lebih mengasyikkan