Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Ketentuan adalah apabila:

1. External Hard Drive tiba-tiba kaput, sekaligus mengarwahkan SEMUA koleksi muzik, gambar dari tahun 2007, vector, benda-benda scrapbooking, portfolio moonlighting berserta semua design yang pernah dibuat. Dan tidak ada backup sebab backup dah kaput terlebih dahulu,

2. Dalam keghairahan mendownload game di telefon, telah tanpa sengaja memadam SEMUA mesej dalam inbox. Ya, beribu mesej berserta semua mms indah dan bukti komunikasi gedik dengan ehem ehem, bekas cinta semusim di masa lampau.

Takpe beb, kental beb.
Kita tunggu lagi dua tiga hari sebelum kita menggila.
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1997 holla!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

dulu pagi-pagi, sambil siap nak pergi sekolah, kami tak tengok Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Dulu tak ada Astro. Yang ada pagi-pagi buta cuma Selamat Pagi Malaysia dan Malaysia Hari Ini.

(MHI hai hai haiiiiii)

Instead, kami dengar radio. Back then we had no Bieber, No Katy Perry, no Wiz Kahlifa.

What we had, was awesome coolness!

Someday, when I'm awfully 'lone

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

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Sunday, January 15, 2012

For a gal, a haircut is like a semi-permanent accessory.
For the corporate woman, a haircut makes you or breaks you.

I'm right now in pieces all over the floor.

Rupa aku dah macam jantan dah.
Siot punya hairdresser.

Went to touch up the hair, I don't look like jantan anymore hehe

Been with new hair for more than a day.
Ok. Happy.

I now look like the bespectacled version of Kelly Osbourne.
Without the perfect complexion. Or fab clothes. Or skinny legs.

Ok fine, I look nothing like Kelly Osbourne. Eli Osbon je lah ek bwahahhaahahahah:P

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kenangan zaman dulu

Friday, January 13, 2012

Tiba-tiba je rasa macam nak beli benda ni kat mamak roti. Sungguh nostalgik.

Yang penting, barang-barang ada! Kau hado?
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Thursday, January 12, 2012

Yup, that's me!

Pen, paper and a loaded gun

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I've hit a wall again.

That wall I thought I had cleared myself off early last year. It's back, and this time it is taller than ever. No way around it as well.

You know, once in a while you will come to a point where you become static and stagnant. If you are lucky, you will realize that it is time to change your views and practices, and to seek new experiences that might spur your soul back to productivity.

I guess I was lucky last year for getting such wake up call. When I decided to plunge headfirst into a new world, I thought, why not move to a world that is more 'mature', more adult, more reliable. Stop being a bum and for once do the right thing an adult would do.

I told myself to start afresh. I must be open and I must give the new environment a chance. I shall not compare my comfy old world with the new, unknown word and I must persevere. Even if things get hard, I will see it as a learning experience and an enrichment process.

I promised myself a year. One year of patience, postitivity and optimistic outlook. I did just that.

It's almost a year.

No, it's not that bad. It's actually quite enlightening. It has unearthed a different side of me, and I had the chance to do so many things that I did not think I could do before. I also found some major shortcomings from my side... being in a new dimension often project new things... or in this case old habits that I did not know existed. This new world has also opened certain doors for me. Alhamdulillah the move brought many positive changes in both my personal and work life.

But is it fulfilling? Am I passionate about it? Is this the food for my soul?
That, I'm not too sure.

What I do know is that I feel a big decision is coming soon.

Being thankful for your awesomeness

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Whenever I feel shitty, I need only to think of all the awesome friends I've met and made throughout my 29 years on earth and I'm instantly happy.

The touch and gos
The lost ones
The always at the back of my mind ones
The once physically close now FB close ones
The periodical ones

and most of all,

the one that sticks thru thick and thin, faring thru stormy weathers and joyful moments.

I love each and every one of you.
Thank you for being a part of my life.


There I was, sitting at the bus stand waiting for my father to pick me up.

It was almost 11 at night. 2 benches away, a man twiddles his fingers.

He sat alone, waiting for a taxi, perhaps. The stand was deserted and he looked like he's been there for a while.

Young but weary. His body rests tiredly against the billboard back of the stand. Tie askewed, sleeves rolled up, hair a little mussed. He looked no better than me. It must've been a long day for him too.

He caught me looking at him, and his eyebrow shot up in question. Caught redhanded, I immediately looked away, pretending that I was looking around instead of at him. I heard him sigh.

"Excuse me, pukul berapa sekarang?" he said, his voice a deep, soft timbre.

I took a few seconds to reply. Hoenstly, I didn't feel like talking to him. It was a tiring day for me and things didn't go as well as I thought it would at work. My personal life sucks as well. All I wanted to do was go home, crash on the bed and slip into oblivion for the next week or so. But there was no way I could pretend I didn't hear him. I didn't want to be percieved as rude.

"Almost 11," I said, smiling a little. Looking down at my shoes. Hoping he would get back to his own thoughts.

No such luck. "Dah malam camni baru balik kerja?"

He looked lonely. I didn't want to reply, but I did, anyway. "Yeah. Tadi singgah gym dulu. De-stress."

He smiled. "I used to go to the gym too. Bila marah kat boss je, pergi gym. Lari sejam dua, buat weights. Lagi susah nak pull the weight, lagi cepat sakit hati I melt away."

I could relate. I did feel shittier when I left the office, even thought of bingeing on sushi and ice-cream just for the heck of it. But I peservered and went to the gym instead, sweat the hate out. It didn't wipe away all of the distaste in my mouth, but it sure helped. I no longer feel like strangling a particular person at work.

"Work sucks, huh? What's new..."

He smiled back at me, nodding slightly. "Ten years ago... I was like you. Work is my only world," he said, surprising me a little. "You single lagi kan?"

"Err, ak'ah." I didn't know what to say. How did he guess? It was getting uncomfortable, talking about work, being single, and things implied by what and how I choose to answer his questions. It would've been easier for me if he said something in jest. I am usually very witty, but the mood called for serious talk.

He looked ahead and I could see the mist of remininscence clouding his sight. His smile turned sad. "Masa I graduate dulu, I was so ready for the working world. I had everything planned out - I wanted to work hard, pulun kaw-kaw, kumpul duit. My target was by 30, I would have enough money to buy a car and a house, dah ada kerja yang bagus, dan kahwin, bina keluarga"

"Kerja, kerja, kerja. Takde time untuk benda lain, to be honest I didn't care to take some time out for other stuff, even when I could. Weekends untuk rehat sebab the whole week only my work occupies me. Memang tak ada life. Climbing the corporate ladder was my target."

He sighed.

I dreaded his next words.

"Turns out climbing the corporate ladder was my sole achievement. I missed out on time with friends, pursuing my passion, I couldn't find someone who could take my crazy working schedule and my quirks, and I didn't have the patience to look around. I thought I had found her... well, maybe I did, but I let her go. Pushed her away," he said, his face now a naked book I could read.


I didn't know how to comfort him. I was too engrossed in what he said. I saw myself in his words. Work was a mission -- get a good job. Get one that pays enough. Get one that can now pay for a housing loan. Then get one that could help pay the housing loan and study loan. The quest of 'surviving' saw me sacrificing my passion for a 'more secure' job. Something I knew I could do but not necessarily like and want to do for the rest of my life.

Where has that led me? At that moment the truth was hard to evade : I was a walking, talking mediocre corporate puppet. A lonely one at that too. Most of my friends have found love in things they do and people they are with. I am still searching, and to start looking at this age, with this level of expectations... I don't know if it's still not too late.

His voice disrupts my self-wallowing misery.

"After she left me, I macam tak boleh berfungsi langsung. It was so bad, I begged and begged and begged. In desperation she jested that kalau I nak kawen dengan dia, she wants 100,000 duit hantaran. You know what, I pun memang desperate gila masa tu, I did it."

"I sold off my car, and got about 70k. Then I dug out my savings and managed to get the RM100,000. I pergi la rumah dia dengan rombongan merisik," his voice turning excited.

The excitement was short lived with his next few words. "Turns out dia bakal kahwin dengan orang lain. Her parents mintak maaf gila-gila kat my uncle and aunty yang pergi merisik sebab anak dia buat macam tu kat I. I later got to know that the other guy married her for a mere 10k. She didn't want me, she just wanted to set an impossible mark so I would stop. Bodoh betul I."

I was stunned. Before I could stop myself, I said "Macam Sultan Mahmud, ketagih cinta Puteri Gunung Ledang."

He laughed loud and hard and it rambled on. It spooked me a bit. I wanted to join in to ease his obviously strained laughter but I knew that my words were insensitive and just plain dumb. I kept quiet.

He was wiping tears from his eyes when he said "Mama I kata benda yang sama! Kamu ni bodoh macam Sultan Mahmud tu. Nasib baik tak ada anak, kalau tak, mati budak tu kamu kerjakan pasal nak kahwin dengan budak Nora tu."

His laughter subsided and the silent night once again enveloped us. He kept pretty much to himself, and I drifted away with my own thoughts. I only realized that he was saying something to me when I saw him standing in front of me, about to enter a taxi.

"You know what I'm going to do tomorrow?" he said, face streaked with dried up tears.

"I am going to quit my job. I nak jual my house, I nak move away from KL. I think I taknak kerja in the corporate world lagi. Biar lah I kais pagi makan pagi, asalkan I jumpa diri I yang dah lama terkambus ni."

I couldn't say a word. He was verbalizing what I had been contemplating for a while now. It was beginning to sound pretty surreal to me.

As he stepped into the taxi, he gave me a wide, honest smile. "Jangan kerja sampai lupa siapa diri awak. Jangan tunggu 35 tahun baru nak berubah. Awak cari passion awak dan usaha towards that. It's the only way. The corporate world will only suck you dry and leave you to die. They don't give a fuck."

"Have a great life," he said, closed the door, and within seconds the taxi sped away.

I sat alone, stunned by the short, awkward conversation I just had.

God, if that ain't a mirror from the heavens above, I don't know what it is.


Monkey Bars

Saturday, January 07, 2012

Layan seafood di Jeram, Kuala Selangor. Kemudian naik sampan, layan tengok kelip-kelip kat sungai Kampung Kuantan.

Ringkas tapi menggembirakan.

Thanks kawan kawan.
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You are more perfect

Friday, January 06, 2012

He asked me if I would show unbridled passion when we are finally together.

I couldn't give him an answer.

Still very much afraid.

Still have my huge reservations.

Still have self-esteem issues.

In the third second mark, I heard his heart crack and fell into pieces.

It's okay, he said.

I understand.

Don't worry.

He looked okay.

But in his jestfulness I saw a mirror of me, not so long ago.

I prayed to god that he doesn't become another me.

Buang air mata

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Ok ok.

Akhirnya aku iyakan aja bila mak dan Eze sibuk ajak tengok Ombak Rindu. Nasib baik dah ada kat Astro First, jadi aku tak lah keluarkan sampai RM60 nak pergi wayang. Tak payah sterika baju, wangi-wangi, mekap, pergi rebut-rebut seat dengan orang, pastu dengar pulak minah tah mana-mana membebel pasal jalan cerita filem tu sebab dia dah 3 kali tengok dan tengok tau kejap lagi kesian sangat kat Izzah bila Haris belasah dia bla bla bla

Tekan butang kat remote, hantar sms, download movie. Dah setel. Boleh tengok 48 jam.
Aku tak nak cerita panjang pasal plot cerita ni, pasal apa yang jadi, pasal real atau tidak storyline dia. Bagi aku benda tu semua kamu boleh tengok sendiri, atau google je. Yang aku nak cerita, adalah tentang hype Ombak Rindu.

I just don't get it.

Biasa je kot. Sure, adaptasi dari novel selalunya memang best. Dan ok, cerita ni tak lah teruk. Cuma entah, aku rasa sederhana saja. Dari review kawan-kawan, semua mengatakan yang cerita ni gila kental tahap menangisnya. Aku rasa air mata aku bergenang dasyat cuma sekali saja, itu pun sebab bila aku tengok Lisa Surihani menangis nak buang cincin kahwin tapi tak jadi tu, aku teringat kat seorang sepupu, membayangkan perasaan dia masa dia dapat tahu yang suami dia kahwin dua. That was it. Aku hati batu ke? I doubt it. Aritu tengok cerita Hindi pasal budak-budak pun aku nangis.

Maya Karin memang cantik. Tak hairanlah pakai tudung pun cantik. Rasanya Azizah Mahzan cantik tak pakai tudung?

Lakonan pulak... ok, camni eh. Maya Karin masih Maya Karin. You get her usual acting style lah. Abang Aaron pun, kita dah tengok lakonan mamat jantan macho terdera oleh cinta ni dalam macam-macam drama. Memang lakonan diorang berkesan dan penjiwaan watak tu ada, tapi ntah. Camtu je la. Lisa Surihani pada aku agak agresif, so boleh la. Azizah Mahzan seperti biasa, bawa watak mak datin bitchy dengan jayanya. Ya Allah, rambut, hazaaabbbbbbb. Teringat rambut Datin Maimon Boboi. Selainnya, jalan cerita samada terlalu choppy atau scene kena delete pasal takde efek langsung. Aku rasa watak makcik ngan pakcik Maya tu tak payah guna pelakon berkaliber pun takpe. Sikit sangat. Impak hancur.

Sepanjang cerita, aku terganggu dengan trasitions dari scene ke scene. Banyaknya efek fade to black. Masa aku belajar dulu, aku pun memang suka gila guna fade to black untuk editing dokumetari, terutamanya untuk music videos yang kental-kental sebab fade to black nampak konklusif. Tapi tak lah guna di setiap scene. Untuk lagu metal memang la ok, tapi untuk cerita cinta rasanya overdose kot.

Paling tak boleh blah, ending cerita yang hadoyai clichenyaaaaaa! Lama pulak tu! Rasanya kalau dia tunjuk sikit je, lepas tu kapal berlayar in the sunset ke lagi best dari dok cakap berjela-jela. Sebaliknya, ada beberapa scene yang aku rasa boleh dipanjangkan untuk bagi impak.

Soundtrack juga sepatutnya lebih menggugat jiwa. Bayangkan scene kena halau keluar rumah dalam hujan lebat -- kalau la soundtrack dia lebih kental, pastu Maya Karin tak la buat muka tabah sangat, kasi aksi jiwa lara sikit, tengah jalan boleh pulak beg berterabur... ade la feel sikit kot.

I think secara purata, cerita ni okay la. I can see why it grossed so high. Memang ter-jerker, especially untuk kita orang Melayu yang tipikal. Tipikal tak salah. Tipikal kadang-kadang adalah formula kejayaan. Cuma tipikal, kalau selalu sangat, jadi blaise. Tawar, tak ada excitement.

Mungkin ada yang rasa ini cerita kampung, sebab itu aku tak suka. Cun pun cerita kampung tapi aku suka je.

Adik aku pula kata aku tak boleh appreciate cerita ni sebab aku tak baca buku dia. Kalau baca baru aku sedih gila. Well, kalau macam tu, filem ni tak berjaya menterjemahkan emosi buku tu lah, kan? If I do read the book and find the story as awesome as everyone is saying it is, then kudos to the writer. Doesn't change much about the movie though. Tugas filem ni adalah untuk memberi visual landscape kepada novel tersebut. Perhaps by trying to stay true to the novel, it had to be a lil choppy. Sayang sungguh.

Walau bagaimana pun, aku menanti saat Salina difilemkan oleh Osman Ali. Yang itu, dengan passion Osman Ali yang bertahun membara, aku pasti, akan jadi yang terbaik dari beliau.