Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Masih ada 205 entri yang perlu saya tulis jika mau capai 1000 posting saat saya mencapai usia 30.


Takpe Elle, semangat yosssshhhhhh!

Nice script, ye of the slanted mouth

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

"The world aint all sunshine and rainbows, we can't let this life bring us down... None of us will hit as hard as life, but it ain't about how hard we can hit but about how much we can get up after being hit and still keep going! We have to have courage! We have to stand up for what we believe.

If you know what you worth, go out and get what your worth! Don't let anyone determine your fate. Go and get what You Want. Live your dreams or die trying!"

- Rocky Balboa

Speaker of hearts, not minds

Someone questioned the reason why I do not voice out my opinions on the state of rotness that we live in. How I could say 'I reserve my comments' when pursued about our biased, propaganda-lined government, on how most Malaysians have been Pavlovified into believing that everything is peachy and will continue to be peachy for the next millenia as long as Barisan Nasional helms the country.

The moment I said well, we're not that bad compared to other countries, he raised his eyebrow and immediately I saw that he had made up his mind about where I stand on the issues, and thus have automatically lumped me in the group of 'worthless Malaysian scum'.

It was a rather interesting experience, you know, watching yourself be stereotyped in such way. So often we stereotype people without actually being aware of commiting such crime. Being at the recieving end is not so amusing after all, one can only do 2 things about it: deny the asumption and straighten things out, or stay silent and let the assumption takes it course. In my case I chose to do the latter, although it does sound like I'm condemning myself, I knew that if I were to argue it out I'd lose the battle. One should know when to pursue a fight, and when to step back and collect more artillery for the next assult. Besides, I'll survive.

But that's not the point I'm getting at.

What I'm trying to say is,
in this world we live in, there are people who are made to be the frontliners, there are those in the centre that battles the big fields, there are minions who slave without really going to battle and there are leaders and thinkers that does the planning, the cunning plot and plimps, the one that plays chess with the fate of the world. So where do I stand in this picture?

I am like the poet that sits in a dark tavern, wiling away the hours with a pen, a scrap paper and a mug of ale. I look rather oblivious to sufferings of the world, as if nothing moves me except the world that I have so flourishly build in my mind. Once in a while I'd come out of hiding to present a piece of entertainment that would cater to the merryment of others. Then later, back to being the bastard (or bitch) that I am, not caring, not fighting, a coward.

Fact is, people like me are not oblivious to the facts of the damning world, but rather, we are too attuned to it that it saps our strength to simply be in it. Everytime we walk the streets, we see how perjury is committed in every court you rule, how intimidation and fear are being bred in the society sprouted form the likes of the ruling party and the opposition, we see how in the end, all of these worldly things mean nothing to the soul but an empty fight we're losing fast... and most of all, our hearts break everytime we are accosted with the suffering of every homeless child, every oppressed group, every victim of misdeed, every life taken away by the war you juxtaposed as necessary for freedom (of every single thing bonding us, I suppose) and it is the kind of break that you cannot heal, even with the toughest, badass glue available on earth: faith.

So you see,
I will let you be the leaders and the frontliners. You have more courage to go out and change this world, you have more skills and suave, you are equipt with a mind that is intelligent and fast and wit that extends beyond the normal proles. You crave for what you call the balance, justice, freedom, wealth, which in actuality means power. The power to give, to take, to recieve and to divulge. It will make you the same as those you so openly despised, for there will be others that will rise against the injustice that comes with ruling, still when the day comes for you to step up the throne we pray you will not stray from your speech of promised righteousness. We have seen too many burned by their own worldly sins, and chances are so shall you, but then again, what do I know of politics and such, I am but a mere coward, holed up and ignorant.

Let me and my kind be.
For once in a while, when you're weary of the exhausting world you live in, when the lethargy of your war against your scums get the better of you, come to us. Lose yourself in our circus of 'plays' and 'seranades' and our colourful antics. Let us be your muse for a while. Let us show you a world beyond the obvious. Although we, when in our darkness might see the glass half empty, on premiere nights we shine up your town and take you on an route that defies all logic and reason. We are what you call your entertainment, the escapade you seek, the break in your strenuous life.

You seek to change the world with your strong words and lances and swords via viva la revolution, while we change it in our own way: burst of colours across the constallation that brings joy to the masses. It might last all night, maybe only an hour or two, but it dazes the adults so they forget their worries, and the plant hope and dreams in the hearts of the children watching.

Sit for a while and think, are people like me truly despensable?

Keats and a cuppa

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Breaking rules.
Not my forte.

But I'm doing it again today. Damn this is bad,

I am now
Making decisions on things I have long avoided.

Good or bad, at least I know.
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Friday, November 25, 2011

Semalam saya ada event seharian di pejabat. Lepas waktu pejabat, saya pergi ke KLCC, mencari hadiah untuk harijadi bapak saya (iaitu hari ini!). Selepas beli barang, saya ke gym pula.

By the time sampai rumah, sudah pukul 11 malam.

Sesampai di rumah saya lihat mak baru buka laptop nak check FB, dan bapak pula tengah layan cerita cina lawan pedang sambil minum kopi.

Perut saya lapar gila, tapi sebab terlalu mengantuk dan penat, serta aktiviti betis kejang (padan muka), saya hanya sempat campak beg, tukar baju dan terus mampos di atas katil.

Pagi ini, dalam perjalanan ke ofis, saya buka FB di handphone. Ada satu mesej dari mak. Aiikkk, kenapa mak mesej ni?

"Tadi konon kata penat sangat" 8 hours ago


I took me a while to comprehend her message. Ni mesti masa dia bukak FB semalam, dia nampak status saya online so dia ingat saya naik atas bukannya tidur tapi sempat bukak laptop layan FB.

Mesti mak saya tak tau kat handphone FB on je 24 jam. Silap-silap dia tak tau kot kat hangphone boleh FB, hihihihi.

Teringat pulak insiden lain, yang ni berlaku sekitar awal tahun lepas:

Mak: Huih hari ni satu hari mak cuti, punyalah boring. Satu apa pun takdak kat tv.
Saya: Nothing interesting? Selalunya mak ok je layan AFC ke, movies ke.
Mak: Apa pun takdak. Channels biasa, lepas tu Tamil movies banyak la.
Saya: Awat tak tengok HBO ke, Starworld ke.
Mak: Takdak pun. Mak dok scroll next, sampai lah dia kata channels not in subscription. Apa lain semua takdak.

(Mak tak tau movie channels and Starworld semua kena type in the channel bukan main scroll je hahahahaah)

Saya: La... kalau macam tu awat mak tak tengok DVD?
Mak: Err... mak tak tau nak on macam mana.

Hihihihihihii! Mak saya memang chomel gile! Hihi!

Aiii schweetnye!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Mizzy N wrote a very warm entry on our short but wonderful time together during uni days.

Babe, terharu siot. I miss you too. I'll find some time off to chill with you soon aiight! Kita meet halfway lah, perhaps a movie at MidValley ke...

Making it my friendship KPI lah, we must meet at least once before the year ends. I promise!

Have a good December babe. Love ya.

morning mantra

Rejection is God's way of saying "Naahhh, wrong direction!"

Time to take risks, Elle.
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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Gym terasa macam dekat high school Amareka bila ada akak yang dengan konfiden bogel depan locker sambil dia kemas beg sebelum masuk mandi.

Takyah tanya gym mana. Korang ni pervert betul la!
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Monday, November 21, 2011

Kamu tahu kenapa kadang-kala saya keluar dari kepompong dunia dalam kepala hotak saya dan suka hati berbual dengan orang yang tak saya kenali di stesen lrt atau tempat awam lain?

Sebab kadang-kala mereka ada insight yang tak terjangkau atau ternampak oleh kita.

Semalam saya berbual dengan seorang yang tak saya kenali. Perbualan yang bermula sekadar bertukar khabar akhirnya berubah rancak. Dari hal muzik ke perihal keluarga hingga topik agama semuanya keluar dengan mudah, mesra dan tanpa sebarang hostiliti.

Tapi yang emasnya adalah pengakhir perbualan kami. Sebelum kami berpisah lelaki pertengahan 30an itu sempat mengulas bahawa:

Jodoh saya akan sampai dalam bentuk seorang lelaki berusia 38-42 tahun, berjawatan dalam sebuah lembaga pengarah atau yang sama waktu dengannya. Besar kemungkinan dia seorang yang pernah berkahwin, tapi isteri telah meninggal dunia, atau mungkin bercerai. Katanya lagi, by the end of 2012, I will be a married woman.


Kau hado tukang tilik bobohizan percuma macam ni?
*Muka kekwat kibas rambut sambil betulkan crown*

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Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I stood by the door frame, leaning a little, eyes squinting hard, trying to understand what I was seeing in front of me.

Is that, what I think it is?

I could not comprehend what I was seeing then. It was perhaps, too out of this world. I know when it comes to this particular dude, nothing is impossible, but even this, for the bizarrest dipshit on earth, is pretty jarring.

I tried to say something, anything to break the scene but it seemed like my voice had decided to not join in the macabre.

That was perhaps the craziest shit I have seen in a long while.

Right smack in the middle of a bong clouded room was Dabi; in a torn spandex top, an askew bowtie and denim cutoffs; on his back, arms outstretched, whole body splattered with paint that was dripping heavily from the ceiling and walls.

On the window was his pet kitty, Ajak, shivering scared, eyes red and stoned, looking very much like a Pollock's version of the Cheshire cat.

"Cara paling senang aku nak siapkan painting ni, is just blew the mothafokka paints dengan mercun. Boom! Dah siap!" he said, a dazed grin on his face.

And he lied there, eyes transfixed to the ceiling for what was perhaps the awkwardest 5 silent minutes of my life, before walking out from the room into the kitchen and brewing himself a cup of green tea, leaving nasty (and most probably hard to wash acrylic) footprints on the floor.

At the corner of the warzone stood a framed canvas on easel, barely touched by any paint.

Freakin' crazy shit, I tell ya.

jars of honey

Monday, November 14, 2011

Up there in the bluest afternoon sky
I see a constallation that spells the sweetness of your breath and smile
Like the beat of the heat, I got entranced for a while

Probably inside of me a mess of melancholic blues
Masking it up with pieces of tangerine skins and jars of honey
So hey
everything seems bright and sunny
Underneath, a heart that longs for you

And one after another the band plays past us
I roused the courage to tell you how I feel
And right at the moment I whisper it in your ears
Oh hey
This time a disguise bleeps out my fears
Buried still, a heart that sings for you

Up there in the bluest afternoon sky
I see a mire of lost confessions and unsaid myths all jumbled up in one
In your eyes, I'll still be ever young and fun

Oh hey
Friends we are, been so, all this time
Forever, a heart that's made for you

Probably inside of me a mess of melancholic blues
Masking it up with pieces of tangerine skins and jars of honey
So hey
everything seems bright and sunny
Underneath, a heart that longs for you

-1.49pm, 14/11/2011
Bukit Bintang

gile random #18

Saturday, November 12, 2011

9.20 malam
Restoran NZ, Wangsa Maju
6 November 2011

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Lagu petang Sabtu

From the vault

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Momma told me not to hang my drawers outside
Said I might attract the wrong crowd about
Well momma forgot
That the crowd's already in the house
With their laced up boots and moonshine eyes
Ready to crack the box on her little child

Been too long since I opened my windows
Perhaps today I'll try and bask in your beams
And let them wash away
The soil off my feet
The perjury
Of yesterday's promises

-4.32am, 10/11/2011
Taman Melawati


Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Aku demam.
Esok ada konferens dan Bos aku suruh aku tido kat hotel siap-siap supaya aku tak terlajak tidur pagi esok akibat makan ubat.

Dengan gigihnya aku balik, pack barang dan naik teksi ke KLCC. Kononnya nak jalan dari KLCC ke hotel sebab dekat, untung-untung kebah sket demam. Janji jumpa pukul 9.30 malam di lobi dengan ofismet.

Saja keluar lambat supaya sampai hotel boleh terus tidur.


Budak pegang kunci bilik baru mesej, dia lambat. Pukul 11 baru sampai. AGAKNYA.

Sekarang aku menepek sorang kat KLCC park, cuba untuk tidak kelihatan seperti akak yang berangan jadi mat rempit.

Siot btol.
Aku dah kena kencing daaa.

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Busy ballin'

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

I am freakin' busy.

No, seriously.

I'm dropping a note here to seal a commitment - I just started gymming again.

Sothis is here as a reminder and a flag of sorts. If I fail to change and stick to a healthier regimen, this entry will mock me for life.


Oh, another thing,

amidst my gymming / exercising / interest in buying a foldable bike so I can ride em to & fro the train stations - work (ye, memang aku dah gile), I have somehow abandoned this blog and my attempt at joining Nanowrimo this year. Biggie fail.

Hot damn nigga, you sexy beast, you!

I will try to post something of substance soon, most probably a few album reviews. Want old albums or new albums? We'll see lah apa yang sempat gua capai. Album lama pun kalau worthy apa salahnya kan?

You guys have a good week ahead.
Much love, people!