Annoying Orange

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Hey people.
No, nothing really happening yet, and no, I am not on a holiday. I am currently at home, tying whatever loose ends left before I start a new working chapter in March, which, yes, is just a few days away. A holiday sounds like the perfect interim, but I only have one week to settle with what seems like a dream-like decision to me, so yeah.

I was at the bank yesterday, queueing up to withdraw some dough. All the ATMs were down except one, so there was a beeline and the bank was hectic. Now, the bank, especially where the ATMs and deposit machines are located at are usually pretty small. And what is the one rule in small, air-conditioned spaces? No smoking and no smelly stuff.

So why, oh why, would you want to FART in there?!

Imagine standing, slowly inching forward with 20 people in front of you, the AC ain't doin' so well with the swarm, you wiping drips of sweat at the back of your neck, trying to ignore the grumbles of the old uncles queueing in front of you when all of a sudden your sinuses are assaulted with the stinkiest, most annoying smell -- the smell of a fart. Kentut telur piaw punya.

Thank the lucky heavens you're just imagining it, I had to endure it, okay. Courtesy of a anonymous mofo, I spent 20 minutes breathing thru my mouth. It stank so bad that I contemplated leaving the bank altogether. Alas, my shopping instinct prevailed and I forsed myself to think of all the wonderful things waiting for me at my retail therapy spots. In between imagining that perfect pink blouse and fantasizing about D'angelo's late 90s hot bod, I made it to the ATM alive.

Look, we all have bodily urges, but couldn't you let your air out outside? Somewhere open where your fart will be less prominent? Did your parents not teach you manners?

I now officially hold a vendetta against PEOPLE WHO FART IN CONFINED, AIR-CONDITIONED SPACES. These kind of people should be dragged into a small, non-ventilated room and be left to die in swirls of stinky air. I would personally volunteer to encapsulate my farts, and those of my sisters (perghh, you DO NOT want to know how lethal they are, my sisters', that is) and send them to be used in the torture chambers. It would be like Auschwitz all over again, only this time I'm sure everyone would pretty much be down with it.

There, I said it. Now go fart outside. Else...


My name starts with M said...

Malaysia should impose no farting in public, like (fillintheblank, iforgotwhich) country.

azyze said...

hah! bertuah la kalau diorang nak buat bende tu. strict no-smoking pun orang masih ada yang buat. coach wanita komuter pun ada je jantan yang konfiden naik, apatah lagi perlakuan kentut yang tidak dapat dilihat mata kasar hehe