Pre-closing season

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Here it comes again -- the closing of a year.

The end of another chapter. Book Azyze:2010 will soon come to its end.

You know how people always say, you should enjoy your youth because it's wasted on the young; and how the old wants so much to live like they're young but their biological condition is no longer so, er, ideal to do so?

Here's me saying exactly that to you guys who are younger than me -- you better make good use of your time, or you suck.

(That's as much as I can say. I would actually want to BUY some of your abundant time, but that's like wishing to get a velociraptor for my next birthday. Le im-posss-sib-le)

This year threw me a lotta curveballs -- a few happy ones, some massive sadness, and a couple that changed my life, or rather, changed the way I look at life, forever.

Gotta admit though, the year passed in a blink of an eye and I'm having a semi-hard time recalling what happened to me for the first half of 2010. Could this be the after-effects of the few morphine injections I so begrudgingly administered into my body during those painful hours after my surgery? Or did I actually had a brainwash session? These are unanswered questions I wonder about almost every night before I sleep. Talking about surgery, I'm also wondering: why the hell is my left thigh semi-numb? Did they accidentally cut out some of my nerves? Tak syok langsung bila terasa gatal, garu tapi tak boleh rasa apa. Stress aku.

There are a few things, however, that I remember clearly.

Like my cousin's passing.

Funny thing is, it doesn't feel like he's left.

I was sitting, watching TV the other day and it dawned on me, it really feels like Shani's still alive, no shit.
It feels just like how it did before he died, we're both too busy to meet up, and we will do so during the next Raya, or the next family gathering, or the next time we go visit his family in Melaka.

Does this mean I'm over mourning for him?

Or perhaps I did not mourn him enough? Am I in a state of denial? Repressing my feelings and subconsciously morphing it into a pretentious state of 'all-is-well'?

I don't know.

To be fair, let me also mention the 'happier' moments that happened this year. For one, I've reacquainted myself with the wonderful world of comic again, picking up where I left. Must say that I've missed quite a few things, but am happy I'm back.

2010 is also the year of discovering long-gone artistes / old stuff from unknown people ( in these parts of the world lah). Fell in love with D'angelo's slick sounds (keeping this as my makin' love CD later hahah), discovered the funky tunes of Janelle Monae, piling up my minute collection of Stacey Kent and some old jazz stuff that I find facinating.

The Beatles & Michael Buble became constant replays on the iPod.

Read a whole lotta books too. Fiction, biographies, romances *coughmills&boonscough*, even sscientific ones. This year has been coloured with books books books and I love that! The only problem with having too much books is that now they're overflowing everywhere. With all the clutter I already have in my room, let's just say that my sister is looking more murderous by the minute. I might die soon, you heard it here first!

Oh, another milestone worth mentioning,
I decided to ditch my senses and went on to do the supposedly undoable --I rebonded my hair.
You see how boring and lame I am, rebonding is a highlight in my life. Whereas rempits do it like, every month tapi takde ape bende pun. Bosan betul hidup gua, kan der?

Oh wait,have I officially fallen into the rempit chikaro wannabe category? At 28?

Anyway, rebonding is such a big deal compared to my past hair adventures, ok. Why? Because all of a sudden so many people that has never talked to me made an effort to chat, with most of them complementing my 'new look'. Seriously, a guy even went all the way, describing how 'sallow' my old hair made my skin look and how this new straight hair makes me 'shine'. Kau hado orang kata kau nampak muda dan bersinar? Gittew.

Maybe my original curly hair WAS morbid kot...

This particular change presented a few improvements. I no longer get heart attacks looking into the mirror right after I wake up every morning *hihi*. The upkeep, however, is a bitch. WTH must rebond every few months, and the smell of the chemicals-- oh THE SMELL-- I have a newfound awe and respect to those 80s chicks who had to bear air kencing kuda-like chems for their perms. Gile busuk.

Damn, I just talked about my hair, more than I ever thought I could. I told you I'm a girly girl. *Trying Barbie pose but failing miserably because Barbie takde donuts haha*

Anyway, the main reason this post is here is actually to tell you that I won't be doing any official recaps of 2010.

I don't write much about my personal life here, just bits and pieces here and there, and I prefer to keep it that way. My privacy is pretty important to me, and god knows how many things people could already dig from the few online presence I have.

This year I'm going old skool, writing it all down on pieces of paper and putting those aside for safekeeping & reminiscing sessions later in life. Nothing beats reading an old, yellowed diary. Blogging doesn't hold a candle to diary writing of the olden days. Try it, you might get addicted. But be warned, there's no spellcheck! Gasping some? *hihihi*

As I part my way with 2010, I'd like to say that it has been a challenging year and I hope 2011 will reveal new beams to illuminate the dark corners and may all the warmth I already have blossom into everlasting comfort.

To families and friends alike, thank you for being a part of my life, I love you so much and may we keep our ties forever.
To enemies and severed relationships, good riddance and may we both grow from our mistakes.
To those who are about to enter my life, I welcome you with open arms but thread cautiously because I am human too, so there will be times when I might indulge in a little PMS hehe

Here's to a great 2011!
*clinks of lemonade*

p/s: 2011 marks's 7th anniversary. Hmmmm no growth as a blog writer langsung, except for the minor grammar improvements. Eh, sukati aku lah, blog aku kan? Hahahaha


My name starts with M said...

that rebonding part - I FEEL YOU!

post-rebonding pun org akan dtg and tego kau gak, with questions like "apa dah jadi kat rambut?" "kenapa rambut serabut?" "kenapa KERINTINGKAN rambut??"

but I miss my rebonding hair somehow. enjoy it while u can! (eh ke ko maintain gunajaripunboley? hehe)


azyze said...

hey Mas,
kita serupa. i did it early this year. tak sempat nak re-rebond, dah buat surgery kan, so rambut aku mmg jahanam la masa bedrest tu. siap kengkawan aku kata ranbut aku macam rambut kejung ketak2 rempit/achi.

sentap. terus rebond masa nak raya.
so skang ni dah start tumbuh balik, dah start huduh balik. tapi rambut aku slow growth so kalau nak tunggu dia panjang sampai tahap yang boleh potong is like, forever. sedehhh...

mizzyN said...