Pre-closing season

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Here it comes again -- the closing of a year.

The end of another chapter. Book Azyze:2010 will soon come to its end.

You know how people always say, you should enjoy your youth because it's wasted on the young; and how the old wants so much to live like they're young but their biological condition is no longer so, er, ideal to do so?

Here's me saying exactly that to you guys who are younger than me -- you better make good use of your time, or you suck.

(That's as much as I can say. I would actually want to BUY some of your abundant time, but that's like wishing to get a velociraptor for my next birthday. Le im-posss-sib-le)

This year threw me a lotta curveballs -- a few happy ones, some massive sadness, and a couple that changed my life, or rather, changed the way I look at life, forever.

Gotta admit though, the year passed in a blink of an eye and I'm having a semi-hard time recalling what happened to me for the first half of 2010. Could this be the after-effects of the few morphine injections I so begrudgingly administered into my body during those painful hours after my surgery? Or did I actually had a brainwash session? These are unanswered questions I wonder about almost every night before I sleep. Talking about surgery, I'm also wondering: why the hell is my left thigh semi-numb? Did they accidentally cut out some of my nerves? Tak syok langsung bila terasa gatal, garu tapi tak boleh rasa apa. Stress aku.

There are a few things, however, that I remember clearly.

Like my cousin's passing.

Funny thing is, it doesn't feel like he's left.

I was sitting, watching TV the other day and it dawned on me, it really feels like Shani's still alive, no shit.
It feels just like how it did before he died, we're both too busy to meet up, and we will do so during the next Raya, or the next family gathering, or the next time we go visit his family in Melaka.

Does this mean I'm over mourning for him?

Or perhaps I did not mourn him enough? Am I in a state of denial? Repressing my feelings and subconsciously morphing it into a pretentious state of 'all-is-well'?

I don't know.

To be fair, let me also mention the 'happier' moments that happened this year. For one, I've reacquainted myself with the wonderful world of comic again, picking up where I left. Must say that I've missed quite a few things, but am happy I'm back.

2010 is also the year of discovering long-gone artistes / old stuff from unknown people ( in these parts of the world lah). Fell in love with D'angelo's slick sounds (keeping this as my makin' love CD later hahah), discovered the funky tunes of Janelle Monae, piling up my minute collection of Stacey Kent and some old jazz stuff that I find facinating.

The Beatles & Michael Buble became constant replays on the iPod.

Read a whole lotta books too. Fiction, biographies, romances *coughmills&boonscough*, even sscientific ones. This year has been coloured with books books books and I love that! The only problem with having too much books is that now they're overflowing everywhere. With all the clutter I already have in my room, let's just say that my sister is looking more murderous by the minute. I might die soon, you heard it here first!

Oh, another milestone worth mentioning,
I decided to ditch my senses and went on to do the supposedly undoable --I rebonded my hair.
You see how boring and lame I am, rebonding is a highlight in my life. Whereas rempits do it like, every month tapi takde ape bende pun. Bosan betul hidup gua, kan der?

Oh wait,have I officially fallen into the rempit chikaro wannabe category? At 28?

Anyway, rebonding is such a big deal compared to my past hair adventures, ok. Why? Because all of a sudden so many people that has never talked to me made an effort to chat, with most of them complementing my 'new look'. Seriously, a guy even went all the way, describing how 'sallow' my old hair made my skin look and how this new straight hair makes me 'shine'. Kau hado orang kata kau nampak muda dan bersinar? Gittew.

Maybe my original curly hair WAS morbid kot...

This particular change presented a few improvements. I no longer get heart attacks looking into the mirror right after I wake up every morning *hihi*. The upkeep, however, is a bitch. WTH must rebond every few months, and the smell of the chemicals-- oh THE SMELL-- I have a newfound awe and respect to those 80s chicks who had to bear air kencing kuda-like chems for their perms. Gile busuk.

Damn, I just talked about my hair, more than I ever thought I could. I told you I'm a girly girl. *Trying Barbie pose but failing miserably because Barbie takde donuts haha*

Anyway, the main reason this post is here is actually to tell you that I won't be doing any official recaps of 2010.

I don't write much about my personal life here, just bits and pieces here and there, and I prefer to keep it that way. My privacy is pretty important to me, and god knows how many things people could already dig from the few online presence I have.

This year I'm going old skool, writing it all down on pieces of paper and putting those aside for safekeeping & reminiscing sessions later in life. Nothing beats reading an old, yellowed diary. Blogging doesn't hold a candle to diary writing of the olden days. Try it, you might get addicted. But be warned, there's no spellcheck! Gasping some? *hihihi*

As I part my way with 2010, I'd like to say that it has been a challenging year and I hope 2011 will reveal new beams to illuminate the dark corners and may all the warmth I already have blossom into everlasting comfort.

To families and friends alike, thank you for being a part of my life, I love you so much and may we keep our ties forever.
To enemies and severed relationships, good riddance and may we both grow from our mistakes.
To those who are about to enter my life, I welcome you with open arms but thread cautiously because I am human too, so there will be times when I might indulge in a little PMS hehe

Here's to a great 2011!
*clinks of lemonade*

p/s: 2011 marks's 7th anniversary. Hmmmm no growth as a blog writer langsung, except for the minor grammar improvements. Eh, sukati aku lah, blog aku kan? Hahahaha

Harimau Kembali Bergema

Wednesday, December 29, 2010


Jangan disangka anak harimau mudah ditewaskan.

Biar berdarah hijau, semangat dan jati belang keramat tetap mengalir.
Yang tampak comel, ada kuku terselindung.
Yang tampak kecil, ada taring menanti seringai.

Yang terbang tinggi di udara tersembam jua ke tanah nyata.

Kemenangan yang dinanti telah menjadi nyata.
Kini, sang harimau telah kembali bermaharajalela.


Monday, December 20, 2010

Sepanjang 2010, saya ditemani Paul, John, Ringo & George di ofis. Biar ketar bagaimanapun saya saat lewat malam di pejabat, saya hanya perlu pasang salah satu album mereka, pandang wajah mereka di dinding belakang saya dan saya pasting gembira.

Pelannya, tahun ini mahu berteman mereka lagi.


Kinokuniya susah kehabisan kalendar The Beatles 2011.

Aarrgggghhh bwg;(!)7;3%@(106754+'-';);_"_)%;#)"+#)3!!!!!

Sakit hati punya pasal, saya terus beli Mein Kampf. Habis duit. Nak belajar jadi diktator lah. Tahun depan, kalau tak ada juga kalendar yang saya mahu, saya tembak aja pekedai pekedai tu.
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Abah nak add kat Facebook???!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Chances are, kalau korang baca blog ni, korang internet savvy.

Eh, bukan... bukan sebab blog ni bercakap pasal benda-benda terkini di internet, atau berkenaan gadgets. Jauh panggang dari api tu. Tapi sebab blog ni tak popular langsung jadi besar kemungkinan korang sampai disini selepas blog hopping atau korang kenal saya in person. Rasanya blog ni pun tak berapa google-friendly, unless you know what you're
specifically looking for, or you know me in person.

Being internet savvy means that you'd at least own one social page.
Paling-paling busuk pun FB lah.

Siapa yang tak ada Facebook, angkat tangan.
Ha, tengok, korang semua tak angkat tangan. Keep it that way too, I don't want to see your untrimmed underarm hair. Thanks :P

Dilema paling penting dalam hidup berFB masakini: Mak Bapak mintak add.

Owwhhhh gone were the days when you feel like you're something because you rule the net, man. Dunia tanpa sempadan, kemudahan membeli komputer & smartphones serta rates internet yang murah dah membuka internet kepada jutaan pengguna yang sungguh over the age of hip.

Wait, wait, I'm not questioning the hipness of your parents (the condition of their hip joints, well that's questionable), tapi the fact that now that they're also on the net, nothing is 'sacred' anymore.

Kau gila?
Dulu kita bebas cakap menggunakan our own lingo and have our own unique ring of social and cultural friends, tetiba mak bapak kita nak join. Lebih kurang macam korang dah bersiap nak pergi parti buih Akon kat Sunway Lagoon, tetiba mak korang nak ikut join jugak. Nak gelak, kesian. Nak halang, nanti kena soal macam-macam. Nak bawak...kau nak mati?

So bila tiba-tiba dapat mesej "Add lah abah di Facebook ini", apa kau tak pitam?!

Nasib saya baik sikit sebab mak bapak saya bukan orang teknologi. Mereka tak aktif berinternet langsung, paling-paling pun, mak ada emel. Jadi saya tak melalui masalah add mak bapak di FB.

Not that I have anything to hide *pose angel*, but I don't think my parents would care to know that I still have no idea of what I really want in life, and that although I don't play stupid farmville apape ville games, I do post up lagu-lagu rock kapak dan links to various 80s comics/shows/artistes. Sungguh living in past kindergarden glories. Nama kakak sulung, umur 28, tapi?

*28 minus 20 terus, kau hado? Pitammm*

But that doesn't mean I'm uncensored on the net. Makcik pakcik saya ramai yang berFB. Sepupu sepapat, malah yang tak kenal langsung pun ramai gemar add-mengadd. Tak add, kang kecik hati dan digelar sombong. Jadi bila sudah add, kita kenalah practice self-censorship. Bagus sebab sentiasa menjaga batasan agar nama mak bapak tak tercemar, tapi tak bagus sebab sekarang nak post statement2 jiwa kacau hati terbakar, link videoclip-videoclip yang pelik-pelik mahupun 'like' show drag queen voguedevass kat No Black Tie semuanya terpaksa pikir dua tiga kali sebab orang boleh buat macam-macam andaian tidak tepat mengenai kita.

Susah betul.

But yeah, tak sesusah mengadd mak bapak sendiri di FB.
Ramai yang dah terkantoi. Kesian.
Ramai jugak yang tak buat apa-apa tapi kantoi juga sebab kawan-kawan diorang yang sukahati upload gambar porno Zarina Ann Julie pastu tag semua orang.

So nak add ke tak?

Apakata korang klik gambar di bawah ini, hasil ciptaan Mike Newman di laman web Cool Material dan ketahuii samada korang patut pura-pura tak terima mesej add diorang sambil memberi alasan "FB ni memang gila sikit, mak"


korang memang tak makan saman, dah biasa berclubbing dengan mak bapak korang dan diorang memang dah lama nak tag gambar korang sama-sama berbikini kat Miami aritu.

Takyah berangan mata korang macam Superman.
Klik je rajah ni untuk paparan yang lebih jelas

Of course,
ada kes-kes unik yang okay je kalau add mak bapak.
Tak semua orang ada keupayaan berhello-hello dengan mak bapak sendiri setiap hari. Kajian menunjukkan ramai jugak estranged families yang menggunakan FB untuk berkomunikasi. Orang kata out of sight, out of mind. Jadi korang-korang yang ada masalah 'can't live with you, can't live without you' tu, lojik lah kalau korang guanakan FB untuk keep in touch.

Kadang-kadang walaupun kita ni sewel sikit, mak bapak dah faham ke'eccentricity'an kita, so kes camni pun okay je kalau add mak bapak dan ahli keluarga. TErpulang sebenanrnya pada diri masing-masing.

Yang jahat nak gamble, boleh je. Yang baik, lagi la takde hal.

Cuma, bagi yang dah dewasa tapi masih lagi bajet dia memang secara lahiriah baik belaka dan menjadi contoh muda-mudi berakhlak lantas pantas berkawan dengan mak bapak sendiri di FB sebab korang sungguh suci murni ibarat minyak masak pemeringkatan dua kali Seri Murni tu, hmmmm....

*Big L on the forehead*


Chekidaut website Cool Material untuk lebih banyak info dan cerita-ceriti yang hip, gumbira dan yay! (mungkin tidak sesuai untuk mak bapak anda huhu)

p/s: Saya sedang berfikir-fikir untuk delete beberapa sepupu sepapat dari senarai friends saya. Bukan sebab saya tak mahu mereka baca aktiviti saya, tapi saya yang tak sanggup nak baca aktiviti mereka. Apatah lagi bila dengar gebang mak diorang cerita anak orang itu ini dan anak dia nasid baik tak seteruk itu bla bla bla padahal anak dia subahanallah lagi jahanam. Dari saya terpaksa restrain diri saya dari kata apa-apa walaupun tahu, lebih baik saya tak tahu langsung. Kadang kadang memang ignorance is bliss.

Teaser sket..

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

(info akan menyusul soon... sabaq naa. Or you can go to the website yourself hehe)

Sharing secrets for a lifetime

Monday, December 06, 2010

We all have secrets. Whimsical ones that we smile about to ourselves, sweet, funny ones that we're actually okay with. And then there's the dark ones that we refuse to admit, the ones we'd rather die than expose.

I've recently had a brush with the past and it taunted to expose something I'd rather left buried with old memories, and it made me realize that I am not unblemished.

Although I've made peace with most of the things I've done, there are a few that I'm ashamed to have been a part of. These are not earth shattering actions that might break current bonds or undo any worthy relationships of mine, but I'm sure they would change certain perspectives, and I do not want to go down that path, if I can help it.

So what do I do now? I truly do not know the answer, just yet.
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