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Play on

Sunday, September 30, 2007

I'm addicted to Blogger's Play. Endless pictures from assorted blogs from all over the world. You get to see a glimpse of the everyday lives of people you don't even know existed - an everyday that changes your perception on life at every slide change.
If you have a blogger account, you can get the link to the Play page on your dashboard. Go there today and for once in your life, read the posting under your dashboard box. They are worth your time, you know.

I feel that my next entry will be in english too. I don't know why. I have these 'fits' once in a blue moon. Call it my bulan terang (or bulan gelap) days. Call it whatever you like. As long as it makes you happy.

(I have to tell you, however, that my english is very bad. Grammatical errors are permanent fixtures in my writing. I'll try to improve my english, insyaallah.)

easy way out

Friday, September 28, 2007

Ah, saya memang pengecut.
Pemalas.

Macamana? How do you bounce back and start writing happily after posting such emotional entry on you blog? How do you recover from a death?Nanti orang kata insensitive lah, fake lah.

Tulislah meme. Bongok betul.

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2X2 Meme Madness

Now, here's what you're supposed to do... And please do not spoil the fun.
Copy this entry, delete my answers and type in your answers. Then send this to
a whole bunch of people you know (through the email) or tag people reading your blog. Ask thm to reply back or leave a link to their blog so you can track back their answers.

The theory is that you will learn little known facts about those whom you know, and discover things about the people you don't know.

What are your Two's?

Two names you go by:
Azyze, Azyze Gomez


Two things you are wearing right now:
Female baggy jeans (no, really!) and an old, wash-out purple hoodie sweater


Two things you would want (or have) in a relationship:
Love & Honesty

Two of your favorite things to do:
Reading and listening to music

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
A bowl of laksa and a muse

Two pets you had/have:
Chimp & Panzi, the energizer kittens

Two people who will answer these questions, or first to send it back:
Heck, I have no idea...

Two things you did last night:
Ate yummy sambal tumis prawns & played scrabble

Two things you ate yesterday:
Udang masak sambal tumis & kari ikan bawal

Two people you have last talked to:
Kak Roz & Kak Noora

Two things you're doing tomorrow:
Sleep & do my laundry

Two longest car rides:
Ah, tak long pun. KL to Sungai Petani and well, maybe KL to Balik Pulau. I don't really take that many car trips. Ask me my longest trip on bus.....

Two favorite holidays:
Hari Raya (although now it feels more like a balik campung thingy) & the el's-going-on-holiday-yippie! holiday.

Two favorite drinks:
Water & Tea

Two famous people you'd want to meet:
Right now I'd really like to meet Abdul Wahib and Robin Williams

Two craziest questions you've been asked:
"Mau tak kalau Mama Nab carikan jodoh?" and "Do you want to see my mole?"

The two answers you gave for the questions:
"Haish, buat apa?!!" and "Do you want to see my butt crack?"



I'm not tagging anyone, sapa sapa nak buat, buatlah. Tapi tuliskan link nya pada ruang komen saya, ya? :)

Al-Fatihah...

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Blog ini akan berkabung buat beberapa hari bagi menghormati dan menginsafi kematian Nurin Jazlin Jazimin. Innalilah...



Nurin Jazlin Jazimin
1999-2007


Doakanlah kebahagiaan roh arwah, dan semoga binatang yang bertanggungjawab diatas kelakhnatan ini ditangkap, diadili dan dijatuhkan hukuman yang setimpal dengannya di dunia, sebelum Allah menghukumnya di akhirat kelak, insyaallah.



"Dan apabila dikatakan kepadanya: Bertakwalah engkau kepada Allah timbullah kesombongannya dengan (meneruskan) dosa (yang dilakukannya itu). Oleh itu padanlah ia (menerima balasan azab) neraka jahanam dan demi sesungguhnya, (neraka jahanam itu) adalah seburuk-buruk tempat tinggal." (al-Baqarah: 204-206)


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buku nota nombor 8

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Petang semalam, tatkala lrt berdesup (konon) melintas kota Kuala Lumpur, minda tertumpu pada suatu titik tak ujud di belakang mata.

Ia berdenyut.
Berkelip.

Ia hantu yang merayap luar tingkap Darma. Tak nampak tapi ada syak.

Lampu-lampu psychedelic menari dalam kepala sambil ada bau-bau dadah dibakar menusuk hidung. Tak pernah pun bau dadah dibakar, tapi di saat itu saya tahu.

Bila kerdip lampu mula memudar, Dabi datang melangkah dengan botol hijau di dalam tangan.

"Boleh aku minum?"

Saya geleng. "Tak boleh."

"Ah, aku bukannya puasa."

"Tapi tak puasa pun patutnya tak boleh. Haram."

Dabi cekak pinggang. Air kuning berkocak keluar, sedikit tumpah ke lantai. " Kau rasa aku agama apa?"

Saya terdiam.

"Aku agama..." dan suaranya hilang. Lampu menari-nari lagi, siap ada pantul bintang dari kejauhan. Bunyi bass bergegar dalam gegendang.

Dabi kembali dalam pandangan. "Kau kurang yakin dengan aku. Aku bukan Marcus Brutus. Aku takkan tikam kau dari belakang."

Saya cuba pandang. Dabi makin hilang, kabus, banyak betul kabus. Suara Dabi melantun di dinding "Ini Sparkling Jus lah."


Azam Maghrib meneman saya turun dari LRT.
Pakcik baju belang lahap menyedut air kotak kecil. Habis. Kotak dibuang ke dalam longkang. Dibeli satu lagi.

Rasanya saya siapa pada Dabi masa berbual tadi?
Percakapannya bukan melihat saya sebagai saya.
Bukan Marcus Brutus - maka saya Julius?

p/s: Dabi memang selalu macam itu. Tambahan bila tak dapat makan sup kambing kegemarannya.

oompa Lompa

Sunday, September 16, 2007

You know what? I'm a friggin' failure. A friggin' lame failure of a person.

I just realized that did I not only abandon my Fitness First commitment on the third month in (for work-related reasons, but still), I also managed to fill only 2/8 of my diary / journal / time management, which i swore i would complete this year. That coming from a self-professed everyday-journal writer. Pffst. So much for that.

I can't even fulfill small resolutions. What made me think I can go through thousands of RM debt? Why am I confident that I can buy a house and pay-off the loan ahead of schedule? Who am I kidding here??!!!

I feel like crap.

You can cast me to the sharks now.
Thank you.

Salih Yaakob tu kelakar lah!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

.




Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa

;)


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when you blog you get to do snookums

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic.
You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense.
Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

Eman Manan

"Celaka, emangnya kalo gue beli yang bajakan kamu mau, tapi yang tulen nggak ya?!"

Teriak seorang mamat yang rupa macam orang Malaysia, pakai macam orang
Malaysia, jalan pun macam orang Malaysia. Tapi cakap Indo nya cukup lancar.

Dia berteriak lagi. "Selesai yang dulu, mau yang baru. Aduh, pusing nih!" Dia picit telefon bimbit, mematikan talian.

Kami pandang dalam sembunyi. Ah-so sarat ber-jed terjaga dari tidur, kepalanya sedikit terhantuk kaca penghadang tempat duduknya. Pakcik bermisai lebat yang berdiri di tengah sendi tren pandang tepat pada si mamat indo-malaya dan menjegil biji mata.

Mamat tu tertunduk-tunduk mohon maaf. " Oh, sori, sori. Just talking to a friend in Indonesia. Sori ek. "

Dia kebetulan menangkap anak mata saya, lalu menjungkit bahu sambil tersipu. Saya senyum kembali padanya. Ah-so pejam mata semula. Ada jalur air liur yang keluar perlahan dari tepi bibir, yang bakal jadi sungai halus menjejeh ke kain broked di bahu kanan.


Telefonnya menjerit kembali (Korus She's So High - Tal Bachman!!)

"Halo... ya. Bila sama om Ajun, gue nggak mau. Kalo dia berkeras mau semuanya, bilang sama dia, datang sendiri ke Malaysia.

(disilang-seli "Stesen berikutnya - Setiawangsa. Next station - Setiawangsa")

Gue bukan anak-anak lagi mau disaran duit gini. Udah, mampus lho!"

Belum sempat dia perasan jegil bundar pakcik misai lebat, Tal Bachman menyanyi lagi.

Pintu terbuka, dia melangkah keluar sambil jemari memicit butang merah di telefon mahalnya itu.

Pakcik misai lebat diam berdiri. Ah-so lelap tidur, kadang-kadang menghirup liur yang belum sempat basi, tanpa sedar.

She's So High terus terngiang di telinga, berlegar di kepala saya saban hari.

mahu baca apa?

Monday, September 10, 2007

Dalam masa seminggu saya sudah habiskan kesemua buku yang dibeli di Chowrasta dan juga di kedai buku depan LRT. Dan juga buku Faisal Tehrani itu (2 hari, hanya ketika naik turun LRT. Bacaan agama dalam pergi-pulang? Itulah.)

Jadi sekarang nak baca apa? Saya sedang kitar semula Hannibal. Tapi rasanya semua dah di kitar berkali-kali sampai muak.

a thousand rooms, miles of corridors, hundred of facts -

Tolong cadangkan saya sesuatu yang tak terlalu berat untuk di baca kala dalam LRT atau santai-santaian, tapi cukup buka minda dan bawa cahaya untuk jiwa.

- attached to each object furnishing each room, a pleasant respite -

Mungkin nak singgah ke Kino lah lepas kerja hari ini. Kalau sempat pulang awal. Nnampak macam tak sempat. Tapi berharap sahajalah.

awaiting Dr Lecter whenever he chooses to retire there.

Recurring memory

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Just yesterday, I woke up with a vivid dream in my head.
Replaying like an old flick on StarMovies.

It was Dabi. Dabi with shitty blonde extentions. 80s shiny silver spandex with pointy shoulders. Rouge make-up. Very anti-establishment. Very Bowie mixed in a blender.

Dabi walked to me. Said out loud : "Your armpit smells of cigarettes."

Siga-rettes. Siga-rettes. And I don't even smoke.

What a dream.
Wait, maybe it really did happen.

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your book describes you

Thursday, September 06, 2007

1. Ambil buku yang paling dekat dengan anda sekarang.
2. Buka ke muka surat 123.
3. Cari ayat ke 5.
4. Taipkan, dan tag sesiapa yang anda mahu. Orang yang ditag itu harus menampal arahan ini dan melakukan yang sama di blog mereka.
5. Jangan cari buku yang anda rasa "cool". Gunakan buku yang benar-benar dekat dengan anda sekarang.


Ayat saya:
Begitulah teguran Allah kepada mereka dengan mengingatkan mereka supaya tak usah mencampakkan diri dalam kebinasaan.

Diambil dari Bila Tuhan Berbicara karya Faisal Tehrani.


Saya tak mahu tag sesiapa. Kalau mahu buat, buatlah. :)

Cerita lama tapi belum basi

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

MEnyinggah sekejap di blog lama. Tempat masa saya amatur, mula-mula memblog. Komuniti kecil tapi antarabangsa maka pengisiannya berbahasa inggeris. Masa dulu saya kira apa kata orang, masa itu saya dahaga komen, pandangan dan sebagainya (memblog untuk dibaca, bukan untuk jiwa).

(Sekarang memblog untuk jiwa, tapi kalau anda nak singgah-singgah pun apa salahnya. Haha)


Ah,
walaubagaimanapun, saya terbaca satu dari posting saya di sana yang, alamak, lebih kurang saja dengan keadaan sekarang. Cis. Walau saya sudah berubah berkoyan-koyan jumlahnya dalam masa 3-4 tahun ini, tapi ini satu bab yang masih lebih kurang sama. Nasib baik tak betul-betul sama. Cis.

Ah. Bacalah kalau mahu. Kalau tak mahu pun tak apa. Haha.

___________________________

22 July 2004.
Kuala Lumpur

How Do I Do It?

I think I’m tired of being single. I can’t stand another aunt or some old lady in the neighbourhood gasp in horror when I say “No, I don’t have a boyfriend. Still single”. Some would, contrary to the expressions on their faces, say that I’m too young anyway, and should concentrate on my studies bla bla bla, but there are others who would shake their head in disbelief and go “Gosh, what do you do on Valentine’s then?” Well, that helps. Shish...

The thing is, I just don’t know how to do it. My friend Unee keep telling me that I have to be bolder, flirt a bit, do the sexy thang. But that’s just not me. I guess I’m just very old fashioned when it comes to love. I believe that love has to come from the heart. The guy should love me for me, not for what I am, what I wear, which crowd I hang around with, what I like for lunch, what I listen to. I believe that love comes before lust. I believe that you should be with someone because you feel comfortable and happy with them, and because they make you smile senselessly whenever you think about them. Love is when every beautiful thing you see reminds you of that person, when you’re suddenly a sucker for poetry, and you start making love songs compilations for your partner. On top of it all, love should come naturally, not something that you sit and calculate about before committing to. You know, the spark, the fireworks and all.

I dream that one day someone will step into my world and sweep me off my feet. I wish that all those dashing Disney princes exists, that normal, ordinary Cinderellas would be able to have their price charming. It’s not that there aren’t any guys like that, I have some of the best guys I’ve ever met around me. But most of them are either gay, or they’re already committed, or they just don’t see me waving my ‘vacant’ flag here.
Yeah, I know, too bad.

I was talking to a friend over the phone a few days ago about my loveless life right now (it sounds so dreadful, huh?) and she gave me this pep talk about pleasing the men, put on make-up and glam up for the guys. Flirt around, play with body language, bat my eyelashes, do the Kylie.

“I’m not like that.”

“So pretend.” she said.

“But that won’t be the real me. I dread the day a guy falls for the fake me. Why can’t it be the real me?”

“Because they take you as one of the guys, you know. They are comfortable with you in a guys-guys way. You understand stupid guy’s jokes, and you go into enthusiastic talks of the internet, the last theatre show, you understand them too much.”
“But that’s good, right? I mean, if we understand each other then we’d get along just fine.”

“Guys like girls who are cute, who wears lipstick, who talks about the latest fashion on the runaway. Who has the perfect hair and perfect smile, who wears three inch heels and wear sexy clothes. Who prefers to cuddle than be funny.”

“What’s wrong with me being funny? I make them laugh, aiight? We have fun.”

“Look girl, the point is, you are their comfort zone. They can relax when they’re around you. They can fart and burp and do ridiculous stuff around you. I’m surprised they haven’t asked you to join them wrestle or something.”

Sigh.

I should forget about all those stupid love notions in my head. I should just start living competitively; start thinking of my future, start being realistic. Make the first move. Don’t be afraid to express my feelings if I happen to like someone. Like my friend Unee said “Stop believing in fairy tales, Ely.”

But I can’t.
In this callous world we live in, we need fairy tales to remind us of love, that it exists and that there’s always hope. We need soppy romantic movies to make us smile, we need ballads to keep us warm when we’re alone in the cold night, we need tales of affection, of devotion, of sacrifices done in the name of love.
We need them, for we need love.

[such skema love entry…muahahahahaha!!]



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Haha. Budak-budak sangat main sebut Disney segala.
Haha.
Sekarang dah tak Disney-Disney lagi dah.
Hahaha.

alone



I am eleanor rigby.
who could not be saved.
I'm in a hole not made by myself.
I'm in a crate full of what ifs.
floating in a sea of lost dreams and crushed hopes.

I am eleanor rigby.
Deprived of love
one who could not be saved.


I. am.



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